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Salam lebaran
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Tomorrow's a very big day. Supposedly.

As a formality, I have to do this but I think only one of my readers is actually a malay/muslim bt anyway.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Mina Aidil Wafaidzin
Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Shan't bother translating since my arab isn't good.

So many people around me arnt in the mood either but as i told Farhan, 'at least your pockets wont be empty.'

Technically speaking, hari raya starts in 1.5hrs.

Gd bye.
--Merci tout le monde--
2:27 AM

Just a phase
Monday, September 29, 2008
I havent spoken much to anyone today. Actually, I havent spoken much at all. It almost pains me to be sociable. I just glare at people now if they irritate me, or, I just ignore them. I kind of enjoy this strange nonchalance.

I'm supposed to be happy, because my dear god brother is safely back from his first two weeks in NS. Thank the heavens that his safe.

Yet I feel very empty.

Another amazing thing is that my self control seems to be growing. I went out yesterday to Parkway and Vivocity with my family and amazingly, I didnt buy anything.

I think I drove my mom insane with my emotionless answers, whenever I did answer her.

My grandfather thinks that I was having a bad mood and Kuan Wei says that its just a phase.

Somehow, I do enjoy this.
I think its more of a product, a product created by my painful past. I think this is the best way now for me to avoid pain. This just somehow give me a sense of newfound confidence.

Its amazing how I look at the world now.

The very fact that I actually blogged is something.

And in any case, I finished reading the Twilight series. All 4 books within 3 days. It is simply beautiful. And it makes me wonder if these immortals do exist for I would not mind trading anything for the comfort.

I strangely empty now. Devoid of emotions.
--Merci tout le monde--
8:42 AM


Friday, September 26, 2008
I need to find a way to break away for awhile. Truthfully speaking, I kind of like my new mood.

I kept to myself the entire night, last night.

My current wish right now is to get a chance to be alone somewhere. Don't start abt going out alone to orchard or something because Singapore is too small. Just yest alone I saw Esther, or rather Kuan Wei did, at Cine.

Perhaps by some miracle I'll get a windfall of cash soon.

But for now, i just need some peace.

--Merci tout le monde--
7:40 PM

Alone
I feel very anti-social.
--Merci tout le monde--
10:31 AM

Opening up
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
So many things came out last night, mostly from me, obviously.

Sometimes I wonder, is it truly possible to become so unknown that one is able to just disappear from the face of this earth without anyone caring or noticing?

If that be true then I would love to know how to do that.

I realised that the two people closest to me are the ones who are most distant and different.
Introverts. What I'd give to be able to be one. I hate it when people say that my life is an open book. In fact, the rare moments when i get to be alone are the ones I seem to treasure most.

I need out.
--Merci tout le monde--
11:12 PM

Perfection in the eyes of Utopia
Monday, September 22, 2008
What is perfection?

The winds of change seem to have enveloped somany around me and as I look into the mirror, I sometimes wonder to what extent it has affected me.

I realise I miss the old me. I miss the icy, rock hard facade I used to be able to conjure up in front of me. Goodness, how I've changed. I miss the ruthless me, being able to make logical and practical decisions based on whim.

Now, I'm at the mercy of nature and people.

I have never believed anyone when they say that 'you shouldn't care what others think.'

Well, no man is an island. And as far as things go, people's opinion do matter in this world. It shapes a person's future. No matter what people say, what they say and do is heavily dependent on those around them.

I'm just waiting, waiting for the right time to close and end this one chapter of my life, allowing me to start another.

By the way, one of the very few people qualified to say I've changed said  I've become nicer. Which obviously made me laugh.

I guess its supposed to make me feel good, but truthfully, I'm not.

To a certain extent, I enjoyed being ruthless when playing this game. Afterall, it is this streak that allowed me to stay ahead. Look what has happened when I took my foot off the pedal. I lost.

This ruthless, manipulative streak brought me, above all things, a sense of security and protection.

Lets see now, who's the first person to create the spark, that which will start the avalanche.

As I look at all of those around me, I cannot help but wonder, where did I go wrong?


--Merci tout le monde--
11:36 PM


Saturday, September 20, 2008
ANd so another week is about to end with me not doing anything meaningful.

I'm broke. Period. But then again, whats new? I NEED A FREAKING JOB!

oh wells. Went out with Cass on thursday to the opening of TOPSHOP's new store. Met up with Cass at Shaw as I thought the store was at Isetan. For gods sake, there are only two Isetans in Orchard, SHaw and Wisma. Guess what? it was at Wisma! Which just meant the entire party was to celebrate the store downsizing and moving a floor down. how lame could they get?

Ended up buying two tops but the freebies were very gd. 4 stars for that!

Cass just confirmed the tix and there seems to be a high possibility of us getting the most ex one. oO. Its very ironic for a person whose not a crazy fan, like dear Cass.

Anyway, been thinking and seriously speaking I admir the marketing people in Taiwan. Most of their singers have average vocals and talent but they are fantastically packaged to deliver maximum impact. I mean, with the exception of Jay CHou and JJ Lin, who cnt exactly be considered gd looking but have AMAZING talent, who else is there?

Th eindustry is dominated with the likes of F4, Farenheit and Bang Bang Tang. Which brings me to my point, I wana meet the marketing people! If i ca actually intern there, my god, that would be brilliant.

I bet they can make people like that Aliff Aziz popular in East Asia. Speaking of that boy, saw him just now and he was such a snob. Who the hell does he think he is? lol. I couldnt care less but my poor cousins seem to love him, for god knows what reason.

I'm begining to be 'myself'' again.

But what is being yourself? What does it mean? Truthfully, I don't subscribe to this school of thought that a person needs to be him/herself. HOw does that person even know who he/she really is?

For god's sake, we're all chamelons, adapting to any changes and just choosing something that is most convenient at that point in time.

Oh wells, need to remind jonathan abt those photos.
--Merci tout le monde--
9:25 AM

Please wake up
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I just needed to scream and let everything out.

What is wrong with this world and why are people just plain ignorant?

One word sums everything up: pathetic.

Its pathetic for someone to be so dependent on someone who doesnt exist.
For god's sake, how is it possible for you to be so dependent on someone who just is not there?
Your not dependent on him, your just depending on what you think is him, like a shadow.

You might as well take a picture of some celebrity you've never met at all and pretend you need him and continue to be in denial that he will always be there for you.

Like what my friend said: "Its petty."

Its not his fault that this is happening. So you know his like that, then its your responsibility to make it all stop. Stop living like a vegetable, like someone on her deathbed yet for that person, he/she is dependent not on some mortal or human being but on God, and not someone who just doesn't exist.

This just spoilt my mood last night. And to think I had so much to look forward to, esp with the store opening party at Orchard later, the lovely secondary school get together soon and whatever not.


--Merci tout le monde--
8:09 PM

Fun weekend!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I havent blogged in ages.

In any case, the weekend was very refreshing.

I did two things that I've  been wanting to do in ages! Just ask Nicole. LoL.


On Sat, my father suddenly asked me to get ready so randomly and when I asked where we were going he said Geylang to buy hari raya stuff. Obviously I protested since I hated Geylang.

We ended up at Parkway instead and I was like damn, I was so not dressed for the occasion. Duno why but we ended up at Singtel and he bought me a new phone! LIKE YES!!!!!

I contemplated getting the IPhone BUT the W980 was just too beautiful and classy and obviously I would choose something that suits moi. :) (get the hint?)

On sunday i suddenly had enough and decided to cut my hair. Lucky Kason was there.
Our first convo was like this:

Kason:"Eh, today I cut for you something different ah. I cut for you Korean style."
Me: "Er, ok. EH BUT I DONT WANT BANGS!"
Kason: "How you know I gona cut for you bangs?"
Me:"Cuz its very korean??"

We ended up laughing aft that.
Oh and I told him I only had 150 with me so under a tight budget.

In the end, I stayed there for 4 hours to do my hair with treatment and what not.
Aft he finished cutting he was like, :"Er if you dont like this cut, nvm lah, just come back nxt week and I cut for you back your normal hairstyle.""Nvm I cut for you for free, you my super regular customer."

LOL! And at the conter the girl was telling me total was 150++. and I was like er... Then luckily Kason came and told me that it was actually 220 but for me he give me discount, 120!!! YAY!!

I so happy!!!!
lol.

--Merci tout le monde--
8:08 PM

Yesterday night!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Yesterday was FUN! At least the night part. Arrived at Laguna Park at 7.30 and when I smsed Mel asking where the pit was, she replied: "the 2nd one." where the hell would I know where number two was?!

Found it in the end and Jon was asking what drink I wanted: mild, perfect, extra strong. Lol. Mel can so mix up a fantastic drink!

So Cheryl, Jon, Mel, Darius, Sharif and me started to talk about school and all and the rest arrived at 8! That was when the party started! Btw, the food was heaven! The chicken was absolutely delicious.

We had a hell of a fun time chatting, walking around and drinking. And, we finally toasted to the end of school with Mel bringing out her Moet & Chandon. 

By the time Vivien, Iman, Darre and me left, two were lying on the floor and another two were puking. Haha!

I'll post the pics up when its on Facebook :)




--Merci tout le monde--
8:32 PM

An emotional retreat
Thursday, September 11, 2008
And so I sit here, all alone. I just don't feel like going somewhere to get away from all the misery of this forsaken world. 

One more has left, sent to serve the nation. I pray to God with all my heart that he returns safe, for God knows how much I rely on him for support.

Everywhere I turn, I see hints of the painful past, be it in school or at home. The only person I seem to rely on is someone I never dreamed would be there for me two years ago.


--Merci tout le monde--
10:45 PM

Results!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
My results just made my day. Ok i know that it isnt very gd but i improved.

CODESUBJECTCU

Grade

BCM2001

Basic Media Research

4

C+

BCM2003

Broadcast Performance

4

A

BCM2007

Introduction to Audio Production

5

B

BCM2011

Single Camera Production

5

B

BMK1001

Basics of Entrepreneurship

1

Pass

GCD1002

Applied Principles for Effective Living 2

1

Pass

GEN1002

Global Citizenship

3

Distinction

GEN1008

Understanding Theatre

3

A



I am so relieved I passed BMR. Its the worst subject ever. And I am over the moon over broadcast! I worked my ass off man but i was expecting a B+ but i scored an A meaning I got an A for my final assignment!

As usual, my dear friend scored brilliantly but she had it for her bday present.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAY!!!


I'll post abt Ophix outing tmr i think. I promise. I've been procrastinating man.
--Merci tout le monde--
5:12 AM

Movies
Thursday, September 04, 2008
I realise my blog is becoming more like a review page. I'm writing short reviews almost every day. Well, that just shows how much free time I have.

Next up we have....



Hana Yori Dango Final!

Watched it just now with Nicholas at The Cathay. Was quite ok. It had a proper closure but you have to watch the first two TV seasons to actually understand the entire show. The show cld be improved. It was all over the place. I know the scenes of Hongkong, Las Vegas and Paris were meant to provide depth but they just touch and go, leaving me not so satisfied as to why they were even there in the first place. Especially the Paris scee. It was so redundant.

But the ending was very nice.:)

Although Nicholas was right when he commented that he felt so out of place because the theater was filled with secondary school students.



oh and yesterday I watched one of the best Japanese movies ever.

Introducing...


Sky Of Love (Koizora)

The movie manages to weave and toy with the emotions of the audience brilliantly, although this movie reminds me of a Hollywood piece: A Walk to Remember, another beautiful movie.

Ah well, I just love the broadcast industry be it Asian or Western.
--Merci tout le monde--
2:50 AM

Gossip Girl Returns
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Spotted, one of the best dramas of all time debuting last Monday.
With its stunningly gorgeous cast, and bitchier and controversial characters, it promises to become a huge hit.



The beginning was just bloody brilliant. Lets take away the recap and start with a 5 minute scene of the resident hottie, Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford) having an intense making out session with an older women.
Scandalous controversy.

Too bad the relationship that most people want, between the two of the most good-looking people, Nate and Serena, just existed in name only.


Anyway, had a rather unpleasant dream last night. It just made me realise how empty and lonely I feel and how much I long to actually want them back. They have become part of me and it seems what we all could have been is just making me feel even more deprived and sad.
--Merci tout le monde--
7:49 PM

l'essentiel
Nathaniel Iman
Changkat Primary School
Temasek Secondary School
Diploma in Communications and Media Management
TP
note de prise!
Are we not all facades in a masquerade?
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