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Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Well, the year is about to end. only 7+ hours left and I am supposed to be reflecting on how everything went.

In truth 2008 has been terrible. Too many false hopes dashed by inconvenient happenings. Granted there have been bright spots across board such as my brilliant and memorable trip to Perth, to finding my 2nd family in school. But these fail to cover up the other more painful truths.

I lost my closest friends this year. That perhaps was one of my darkest moments ever. I fell into the abyss with no one to help me. Although the saying goes that what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger, and i did emerge stronger after that, the scars still remain and it set the tone for the rest of the year.

At the same time, for the 2nd time, OTC failed to meet my expectations. It seems nothing can come even close to the experience of my first ever camp in TP and my empire, Ophix.

I truly miss all the time we spent together, planning games, slacking around for god knows what reason.

School and home have both been terrible. I'm sick of having to put up a brave face since everyone thinks I have a perfect background. Pretending that I have brilliant people around me, people thinking that I lead some glamourous lifestyle, its annoying. Can people just shut up.

I'm here at my cousin's place all alone, why? Cuz my cousin decided that he wanted to eat at Eastpoint with our friend frm perth whose staying here. and he didnt even bother inviting me along.

God.

Will someone ever hear my screams, cries and prayers?
--Merci tout le monde--
12:44 AM


Saturday, December 27, 2008
So I'm back from my trip.

It was alright I guess but now i'm back home, alone for now since the rest are still in Batam.

Truth to be told, nothing much has changed. The trip just seems to be a welcome respite. Now to face the gathering storm tomorrow and monday. I dread monday the most.

Two assignments due, of which I have predictably have not started at all.

I fell so battered and weathered to the bones.

What will monday bring I  wonder? Thankfully I managed to book Kason tomorrow, which just means I'll be late tomorrow. Tomorrow's clash of two groups just means I have to focus and somehow entertain both groups at the same time.

Hong Kong just doesnt seem very exciting right now, even though Kak Salina bought two Kate Spade bags there for just $500.

So basically I need to finish Joy Luck Club, review that movie plus another CCC article by tonight since I'll be too busy tomorrow.

I realise that I have this illusion of someone I hold close to my heart. As in I cling on to this hope that somehow, someday, I will meet this special person, not my soulmate, but a best friend. Somone whom I can trust completely and rely on.

Little children still do believe in happy endings.
--Merci tout le monde--
1:30 AM


Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas is almost here. What difference does it make?

Met up with Kuan Wei for Starbucks just now. Its been so long since we last met up. What? Two months?

I'm like just sitting here staring at the screen for god knows what reason. Leaving soon. But truth to be told, I dont want to go. I feel like going out right now. Alone. I want people to see that I am alone, shopping or just sight-seeing alone.

Evan wrote me a very nice letter on monday night. Dont know if I mentioned it before.

The only thing I'm looking forward to now is in March when I FINALLY get to go to Hongkong. Been wanting to go for ages.

At least God granted me that much.
Presley might be there during that time and he promised to bring me arnd if he cld, and I hope Martin wld be back in Hongkong.

I want someone to talk to, but who can? Thank god my blog is like secured so no tom, dick or harry can read. 

I'm so hungry right now but I'm staving the feeling off.

Why can't there be another me out there in the world?



Merry Christmas to you all.
--Merci tout le monde--
2:50 AM


Monday, December 22, 2008
I'm sorry. As you can see, I had a weak moment.

These weak moments are compulsive. Many people say that thes moments are normal and human but why do we have to be human. I hate being so weak, dependent on others and at the whim of one's emotions.
Letting emotions dictate what you say, do or react is foolish.

Vulnerabilities are meant to be covered up and hidden far away.

--Merci tout le monde--
10:58 PM

I'm feeling so upset and emotional now.

Even as this is supposed to be the time for joy as the entire SU celebrates Christmas.

I feel so alone. Everyone's spilling their hearts out but, I just don't know what I can say. Its like I feel so alone after all this is said. Where do I stand? I just don't know. I'm neither here nor there. What am I? Just a ghost? someone who just cant feel anything?

What am I?

I just feel so alone.
--Merci tout le monde--
8:06 AM


Sunday, December 21, 2008
I'm back from OTCW.

Its been interesting I guess. I use that word alot now. Interesting. It works both ways if you know what I mean.

Went for Fei Lun Hai concert on friday night and it was ok. Not that bad. I mean I was half exhausted already from day 1 and half of day 2 of OTCW. And of all people, I saw Reuben there. As in Reuben HTM. haha. He was serving my area as usher. And i realised Kevin looks like Reuben. LOL!!!!!!

I'm having cheap thrills. 

Made new friends in OTCW. As in the usual friends/ aquaintance kind. I didnt get close to anyone during the camp. And I cant believe someone said I was sticking to Rayna. Obviously I wasnt. I was closr to Farhan, which thank god at least he was in my empire.

I realise I'm not really friendly anymore. I miss SU lounge. I miss Starbucks gossip sessions with Emilla and random SU people. I miss crappy insulting sessions with my best friend. I miss having interesting intellectual/ emo sessions with Nicolette, Grace, Farhan.... I don't know, I feel like there's something missing right now.

At the same time, my workload is like piling up.
Lets see:
Radio Assignment
CCC article + movie review and journal
CCC group class assignment
Film journals
Film term paper
MEP group project
Multi-cam production preparation

And... I'm freaking overseas this week!

At least tomorrow's SU's christmas party and I'm meeting best friend for Starbucks on wed. Can look up abit. At least.
--Merci tout le monde--
12:54 AM


Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Where on earth is everyone?
Its like no one from SU, except Nicolette is online, then again, she went back with me from Orchard.

On first glance, it would seem like everyone is dutifully resting ahead of tmr's OTCW, but come one, NO ONE SLEEPS SO EARLY. Except me of course.

Anyway, just now was funny. Nicolette was ordeing from the Char Siew aunty and then the aunty suddenly asked Nicolette, "eh his your brother isit?"

The both of us went, what????

LOL

damn funny. since when did the two of us look alike?

It just like lightened the mood cuz it was freaking hilarious.

Anyway, going to town with her was nice. Its been so long since we last a had a proper decent converstaion and the last time we did this was also on the way and going back from orchard.


Tomorrow's OTCW and I hope i get at least a decent empire. At least two of my many friends would be nice like: Rayna, Derek, Nicolette, Kai, C'zia Jyeah, Desmond, Ben, Farhan, Grace, Persie, amongst others. Crossing my fingers man.

Ok I must rest soon.
--Merci tout le monde--
6:39 AM


Friday, December 12, 2008
Yesterday was such an emotionally draining day.

There were tears, joy, saddness, delight.
Tears of joy, sympathy but above all pain.

I'm such a textbook person. I hate it.

Bernita said just now when I went to send dorothy off, "Nat, I hate you for always being right."

I replied, "I hate myself for always being right too."

What can I say. People should seriously look into their mirrors and see that their actions and words are miles apart.

Nicholas just told me, " You shouldn't bottle everything up. You should let everything out."

But really. Most people are worried that if they reveal some things, then people will judge them differently. I say that if they are your true friends. It wouldnt change anything. Ok not change that much anyway. (Am I right?? this is to that certain someone anyway)

True friends are the ones that will be there for you when you are at your lowest point, when all hope is lost and when you just need someone to give you a helping hand out of the deep pit.

Unfortunately, I dont think i have that. So the next best solution? Never put all your eggs in one basket. Its called diversifying. LOL 

I'm so exhausted now. And next week is ultra busy week. Worse then this week. OTC coming up. I dont know why, but I'm not that excited for it. Even though Nicholas is coming back but maybe its because I know that somehow I might not be able to bring myself to sit and eat with my dear Ophix. I cannot bring myself to sit on the same table of any of them after what they did to me.
--Merci tout le monde--
8:31 PM


Wednesday, December 10, 2008


Well, nothing like DBSK to cheer me up. 

I realised, they sound better live. Like wah. How many Asian artists can you say sound better live then on recording, given that most just lipsynch??

Looking back, their vocas have improved by leaps and bounds from previiously, taking out hugs aside. Purple Line was brilliant and still one of my fave songs... BUT they lip-synch most of their live performances for this song since its so dance heavy.

I desperately need to start studying for the test tmr.

I dread my busy schedule which starts tmr. So many things to do. Its just insane.

What I wld give to look like this.
Had a nicer photo... BUT the file was so freaking huge.

And, i'm getting addicted to facebook playing friends for sale and word challenge. Buy me for friends for sale yo!

I feel like wearing something glam and nice tmr..................


--Merci tout le monde--
6:32 PM

I'm in a depressed mood.

I need a destressing day soon. Hmm... Any financial backers out there to sponsor my destress day spree??

I want to get a new hair style, dark grey contacts and... a new wardrobe!

I just dont feel like talking to anyone now.
--Merci tout le monde--
7:40 AM


Monday, December 01, 2008
Yesterday was such a fruitful day. Helped edit Geraldine's assignment, create TPSU's logo, Farhan's illustrator stuff and story idea for my video. Coolness.

Today, I'm only left with the storyboard and cost proposal for MEP. Oh and I need to come up with funny or interesting topics for Radio Discussion.

Must start doing work. Plus, I can finally start studying for CCC as Ramesh just uploaded the stuff for mid sem test.

...................

At lounge now. Must start work doing work yo!
--Merci tout le monde--
7:11 PM

l'essentiel
Nathaniel Iman
Changkat Primary School
Temasek Secondary School
Diploma in Communications and Media Management
TP
note de prise!
Are we not all facades in a masquerade?
amours
Perfection
Meeting My Idols
Traveling to:
Japan
Taiwan
Korea
Hongkong
Perth
Melbourne
Brisbane
Europe

les gens
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Melissa

Alex Ho
Bernita
Dorothy
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Leeshen

habibah
William

Fion

HuiJing

Emilla
Joey
Martin
Grace
Amelia
Xiao Yan
mémoires
'August 2008' 'September 2008' 'October 2008' 'November 2008' 'December 2008' 'January 2009' 'February 2009' 'March 2009' 'April 2009' 'May 2009' 'June 2009' 'July 2009' 'August 2009' 'September 2009'
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