Well, I'm supposed to be getting ready to meet kellyn to study for CCC which by the way is tomorrow. but then i've only read 2 chapters and done notes for 1. how pathetic.

but me being me, i'm here online, still not doing work. i hate exams. stupid waste time.

After last night where I had a very interesting dream, i decided to accept some people's friend's request on facebook. what? i won't let any tom, dick or harry look at my profile and pics.

anyway, basically my dream was on this whole topic of forgiving. seriously, it sounds like some sermon. perhaps God was trying to give me his most direct message by far. besides the fact that me being good at home has reaped dividends, i'm going to get to stay over at my first chalet with friends!

so on the whole subject of forgiving, i realised perhaps it is time for me to forgive and be forgiving. but i just dont know how to make that first step. and besides it takes two hands to clap. i know that they seem willing to do the same so now it seems that all that is required now is to make that first move.

omg, i sound like some holy religious person. HAHAHAHAH.
i cant believe i can be so unreligious yet holy at the same time.

oh and btw, i'm slightly distracted now cuz ms winnie tan is asking some stuff abt of all things CCC exam. another sign from God.

ok i'll get to work on the things now. lets see how successful i can be. 6:26 PM

I feel terribly sick of all the idiots out there.

All trying to take advantage of every situation they can just to score some pathetic points.
Just make me want to puke. That something as touching as a friend going overseas to study is immediately used to score points.
What trying to organise a farewell 'party' with someone you dont even really know and then only inviting a small grp of people. utter rubbish.

people should get slapped and wake up.

and that person is not the only one. imagine if someone else who isnt as gd looking or as well connected as her was to fly off, would the splash be as big? obviously not. all of a sudden, so many are trying to pay tribute by just showing up or rushing to organise 'farewells' just to score political points for elections. that is just cheap.

i am so appalled by all of these things.

zetten list is also out and its qquite unfair. seriously. how can they just cut people down and say who deserves it when they arnt even there to see who did what in the first place. its so not objective.

how on earth did stupid people get into such positions?
elections shld be banned or something. instead, people of a certain calibre and intellect should be appointed. seriously. students dont deserve to vote whne they are too immature to even make such easy decisions. 2:55 AM

Well had a brilliant time just now.

Stupid Haikal was late. He freaking woke up at 6 pls. So in slacked in TM till 7.15. lucky I saw grace and sabrina there.

We went to Simpang and met up with the rest. Had an amazingly brilliant time!

We talked abt everything under the sun... which made it just awesome!

But we forgot to take a group shot :( 8:40 AM

AHHHH. At first i had the intention to blog abt happy stuff.  But something just turned my mood. 7:57 PM

I read the many posts and saw the pictures. how happy everyone looked. i just dont know what to say. i feel so much hurt and pain everytime i feel reminded by what happened.
it hurts most when they brazenly declared that 'everyone turned up and we had alot of fun'.
so what now? i'm just another speck of dust in the world?

add on to the fact that everything around me is crumbling, and i have a brilliant drama performance.
except it has no happy ending, more of a film noir-ish feel.

i want to take a long break. but now i realised i cant go to melbourne in june cuz i have SIP.
another reason to hate SIP. wonderful.

tomorrow i have to deal with a full day of politics for council. i hope god smiles on me and helps me survive with everything intact.

and now more then ever i need my own space. i just blurted to farhan stuff just now and told him i dont want to see any one for the next few days.

gahh. bloody brilliant 5:52 AM

Just when its been looking abit brighter, things just had to come crashing down. First, I had to cut my finger. Then I went back late which meant I didnt have time to sleep. And my ez-link died. Which meant I had to go to Pasir Ris, only to tell me that their system crashed. SHIT! 1:02 PM

I'm in a freaking happy mood. I just talked to Haikal again. After what? 5 years? I finally talked to my closest friend in primary school. And the best part is, he started talking to me! Like OMG.
Ok la, i'm quite sure Nadiah had a hand in this but who cares, Haikal is talking to me again!

Spent the whole evening today with Nicolette at orchard shopping and I met Jerebourne again. Why do we always bump into each other in Orchard. At first, Nicolette thought Jerebourne was like trying to pick a fight with me or something cuz he just hit my arm and didnt even really say hi. LOL. But thats just his was of saying hi. HAHA. And it was freaking hilarious to see him and his other guy friend fumble desperately finding Valentines day presents. I nearly died of laughter.

Then, I'm having dinner with my primary school friends on tuesday at SImpang. I so miss them. Nadiah, Hafiz, Syafiqah, Azyan and me. I really hope Haikal will go. It would make my day to see him again man.

And I realised, I'm so busy now I dont have time for my friends. like personal times. I must make time for daosuans, Bernita, C'zia Jyeah and Evan. I swear. Gahh.... 8:39 AM

I want to disappear. Far, far away. I'm tired of all this rubbish.  1:02 AM

My bad. Last week turned out to be terrible. I screwed up bad for radio and i just got my MEP results 17%. Congratulations Nat. Gd Job.

Gahh....

Well, i've been doing good stuff this week. finally had time to patch back all that i miss whilst busy with work. lets see how much i can do and how much impact i can make.

and i'm so anxious/ annoyed/worried abt SIP. I havent gotten an email frm CNBC and brenda and vivienne alr had theirs. they getting a phone interview tmr! OMG! like aaah. what if they called me tmr and i have yet to wake up?

which reminds me, i have yet to decide if i shld go for lecture tmr. Shan wee and Rosalyn is coming over. And fiona xie was arnd yesterday. whats new.

i talked to nadia that day. again. haha. cnt believe i have her house number. lol. must have a meet up session with her, azyan and hafiz. wld be great if haikal came along too. i miss them all.

oh and i realise, i'm opening up more to people. i think its a two way thing. the more people open up to me, the more i open up. listen to that people.

oh and i have the song Circus stuck in my head... 6:54 AM

Been reading through several blogs, the usuals, and I just realise how much things have changed.

There was once a time when people would make promises that just sounded appropriate for that situation, like 'our friendships will last', 'we must meet up and keep in touch', all those whatever not. I realise now that people make promises too easily. They don't realise the gravity at which they should honour their words.

Its just sad how things have gone so far and fast. I believe that you have control of your lives, no one else can dictate it. If you say your so busy with work and don't have time to meet your friends at all, thats because you choose that path, you chose to join the executive committee, you chose to stretch your already limited free time.

This is something I learnt. Choice. You can choose to dictate your life or to life dictate you.

On the flip side, multi-cam is finally done. All thats left is radio and MEP! (And MEP quiz was so sucky, I'm sure I'll just fail) 3:35 AM